I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
