Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
