i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
