are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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