I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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