i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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