Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
