everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
