she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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