I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
