Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
