dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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