he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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