Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
