Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
