There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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