...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
