just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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