I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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