i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
