I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
too bad you live with your parents still
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
