the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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