Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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