Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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