Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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