put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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