did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize