Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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