I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
