I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
