he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
