I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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