I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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