Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize