Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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