My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
