Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
