I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
