yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
