i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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