You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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