Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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