I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
