remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
