I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
