Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
