Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
