so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
