she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
