My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
