had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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