I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
