He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize