yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize