i think i have two assholes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
try to milk me bitch
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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