Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
