i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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