all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
