Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
