hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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