let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
