my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
