I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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