Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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