Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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