I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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