i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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