I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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