My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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