so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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