So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
