I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
