today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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