i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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