is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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