i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Houston, we have a blender
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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