Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
