I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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