girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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