In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
