I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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