I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
