the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
