3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
