I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
