Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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