i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
