she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize