I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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