your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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